I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
