He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
