He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
