i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
