True but thats because hes a fetus.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
