he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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