omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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