Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
