Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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