I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
