So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Panties = found
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
