Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
