i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
