Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
