How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
