my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
