What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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