I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
