You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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