so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
