I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
as a side note pls kill me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
