I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
