She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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