she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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