it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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