so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
