the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
