Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
