i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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