Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
