dude i'm inner monologue high
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just pee around me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My life is pants optional.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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