You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
