p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
