i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
