I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
