It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
