Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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