i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
