Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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