You're my little dorito
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
