I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
