you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
