I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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