I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
