If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
