No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
