i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
