We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
