Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
