you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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