I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
